Archive for March, 2010

‘ Relapse ‘

He looks up at the doctor waiting to hear the prognosis.
Blank stares are exchanged, he Could not diagnose this.
The patient feels symptoms that the doctor does’nt notice.
His brain must be foolin him like he’s under hypnosis.

He went home that night started tossing and turning.
waking up with cold flashes, sweating like he was burning.
Continuous nightmares are constantly returning
Relapse stages kicking in and soon begins the yearning.

No Pull of weed, gave him the fix that he would need.
No over the counter prescription started this addiction.
No needle into the vein gave him relief for this pain
and no AA lessons helped settle these obsessions

Dreams of tender kisses soon begin to haunt him.
Her voice whispers empty promises that begins taunt him. envisioning her inner esscence and how she always flaunts them.
Constantly wondering why she seems to never want him.

At one point they went hand in hand like sanitizer.
She was his drug of choice he wanted to mesmerize her
Thinking of ways of how he only wants to tantalize her.
His eyes moved in fiendish ways as he analyzed her

The best product on the market,, and to him she supplied it
His heart was the currency he exchanged to buy it.
After a couple hits, he was wide eyed and open nosed.
Lifted into realm where only the highest stoner goes.

He was strung out on her beauty and soon became blinded
Not knowing that this obsession was completely one sided.
The drug soon became scarce and there was nowhere he could find it.
He tried other dealers but his body just declined it.

His heart was comatosed from this drastic overdose.
The thing that he loved the most took his feelings for a joke.

It took awhile for him to cleanse his body of her nonsense.
Wearing his heart on his sleeve has a dyer consequence.
In his defense he built up a fence to shield his heart from this experience.

Once u get a taste of that drug the feeling is astronomical..
Relapsing is digested by the senses as phenomenal.
Detoxification to the body feels illogical.
Its embedded in us to love this feeling like its Biological.

If he ever comes across a drug like love, he’ll take it in small amounts
He learned appreciating the feeling is what really counts.
He will always get high offa it with a head full of doubts.
But now he is wiser and knows all the best routes.

We will All go through this experience till our bodies collapse
The question is how will you survive ur relapse?

FiN

‘Letter to My Insecurity’

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Dear, Insecurity

I know it’s been a long time sense we talked, and I’ve never been able to look you in the eye for some reason; so iAm writing you this letter. I want to start off by saying that for a long time, actually for as long as iCan remember you have had a stronghold on the way iLook at myself. iHave had constant talks with my reflection in the morning before school and no matter how private the convo, u jus creep up and force me to pay attention. Your voice is strong and demanding and commands my attention. Making me side eye my clothing and believing iWas not ‘fresh to death’. Constantly doing the breath test as if iSuffer from O.C.D. Taking control of my body and having me step on a scale just to look down in disappointment at the numbers iRead. You don’t stop there.
When walking down the block, iFeel like iHave to ask myself if this person is staring at me, or staring through me? Do they analyze me the way you make me analyze me? You have taken over my mental and snatched away my individuality. Thanks to you iPlayed the wall at parties, declined invites to social venues, stuttered around females and doubted myself in every way possible in many aspects.
It is for that reason that iMust thank you.
You see insecurity you made me realize following trends is not the path iChoose to walk. Insecurity you made me realize that my weight is not a pound under or over. In fact insecurity did you know the ‘average weight’ for someone my age is based on some other persons OPINION of what they feel you SHOULD weigh due to weighing various individuals that have their own insecurities haunting them?! . So I’ve learned to ‘middle finger’ them and their opinion. Hell it is because of you insecurity that now iWalk down the block with my head held high, no longer feeling the need to be ‘fresh to death.’ My new thing is ‘Death to the fresh’ & the swagga, & wavy & every other word used to classify people who THINK their clothes make them. No longer do iPlay the walls at parties, in fact I’m at the party with the same girl iUsed to stutter to back in the day. Thank You insecurity, for you forced me to disect so much about myself that iFound myself. No longer does ur voice haunt me Morning, Noon and Night. iJust figured iWould let you know why you have not heard from me in so long; my confidence told me its rude to part ways without saying goodbye. THIS is my goodbye.

Yours Truly;
Larry

P.S
iForgot to tell you, iStill do the breath test when needed, but that’s my hygiene checking in on me.

‘Photographs’

Glancing through a few photographs, and iHad to stop and stare.
The love that was depicted in these pictures jus does not seem to be there.
You would think that after all these years a group like this was inseparable.
Or that if we ever fell apart it would simply be unacceptable.
But times change and so do people and this is the way of the world.
But iCalled ur bluff,, the truth is that we fell out due to a girl.
From infancy to toddler hood, to young adolescence.
Our friendship was so genuwine u could see its pure essence.
iWas always down to ride for you, when u was hurt iCried wit you. & when it was time to go to war, iWas suited up ready to die for you.
When you met her all that changed on ur end, iStood alone in my fatigues.
Taking bullets in the trenches, iBegan to feel decieved.
You blowing me off for her began to happen in repetition.
Never thought that being your friend would have to be a competition.
But I’ve never been a salty dude so iLet it rock.
She had ur freedom chained up & held the key for the lock.
iNever thought after 19 years a friendship could be put on pause.
Not without a solidfied reason or justifiable cause.
From brothers to associates, iHave to let out a laugh.
These are ‘Thousand Words its Worth’ when iLook through photographs.

‘The Disease’

This is a poem iWrote a while back,, jus figuered iWould share it.

As I Lay in Bed i can feel my body growing weaker…..
The disease that flows thru me is as strong as ether….
Many people know the symptoms and the signs of infection…
There are no fevers,, no headaches or change of complexion…
Some people can’t see when they have contracted the bug….
The disease that i speak of is only labeled “love”…
It is not seen by the eye,, in fact it stays hidden…
It takes u down slowly,, but first cuts off ur vision…
It cripples ur ability to see what’s right from what’s wrong…
And Replays images of happiness like its ur favorite song…
It makes ur heart skips beats and it whispers in your ears…
Creating blissful images and saying all u want to hear…
Side Effects have you staring at pictures and coughing up compliments…
Giving u illusions of romance and boosting up confidence…
It allows you to become comfortable and let down ur shield…
That’s when it strikes thru ur body from ur head to ur heels…
It has the capability to bring tears to ur face…
They Rush down ur cheeks like their running a race…
When love comes to u @ first it is golden and bliss…
But it bites like a snake with a devilish hiss…
Don’t get it twisted,, love can one of the greatest things…
But the hardest thing to deal with is the heartache it brings…
There is one thing however that does fight off the hurt…
It’s a shot in the dark,, with no guarantees it will work…
The remedy for this heartbreak is something called time…
When it comes,, it heals wounds,, and can make u feel fine…
This is one disease u will not find in medical books…
You can google all day,, and still won’t see how it looks…
It is faceless and silent but spreads like the plague…
It has spread thru the world in a matter of days…
I thought I could avoid it,, but it even struck me…
An unstoppable disease…
L
O
V
E

Note to the Reader

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iAm new to the blogging scene, iHave a lot of free time being stuck in the hospital and what better way to deal with the insanity of this solitude then to vent through writing. iAm a simple yet complex mind so certain things iPost can be taken as poetic, inspirational, comedic, or just plain aggy. Either way this is who iAm as a whole . With that said let us step into the mind of an individual whose ideas rest between Jupiter and Saturn. enjoy. : ]